A heartbreak is a heartbreak is a heartbreak

My heart has been broken many times. But never so painful as by Rina.

I loved her more than myself. I loved her because she is the saddest person I know. I loved her because of her inadeaquacies. She returned my love, for a while.

But somewhere along the line, she changed. I could no longer recognize her. Worse, I am changed because of her. I am drawn into her mess, unable to get out when she herself has cleaned the mess inside her.

‘I am sorry Rina. I am not tough. You are much tougher than me. I cannot bear to hurt you. Isn’t it better when I’m not around so that you’ll never get hurt by me.’

It’s painful. Just now, I met a pretty girl from the Law School of the University of Indonesia, but all I can talk about with her is my breakup with Rina.

All I can think about right now is my breakup with Rina.

Life has always goes on for me. It will go a little slower this time. ‘Rina, love, you will get a nice guy who will make you come someday. I wish you, I really wish you and your daughter, all the best things in life.’

I miss you love. Silverchair captures my emotion perfectly about this breakup:

Remember today
Ive no respect for you
And I miss you love
And I miss use love

I love the way you love
But I hate the way
Im supposed to love you back

The world is not enough

I do not intend for this blog to be focused on Rina, the current love of my life, but the temptation is strong.

I wish her well, but I have this to say to her: Please read the story of Rabiatul Aladawiya.

If only she can follow the path of the beloved Rabiatul, she would be so much happier now and at the end of time. I can be so much happier for her.

At the moment, I am her Hasan of Basra. .

I love her more than words. Words that are sharper than swords. I hope to guide her, and be guided in turn in living in this world. The world that is full of temptation, the world that tends to distort.

With regards to her future career, I have this to say to her: We must not overestimate the calamities of our age. A misplaced rigorism is less dangerous than an improper liberalism.

The words are said by the incomparable Abdal Hakim Murad, it means: We must not consider all the evils that have occured to the world as bigger than they actually are. If we consider them of such importance, we begin to question the faith that we held when we brought about such calamities upon ourselves. It is also a reminder that the world is just that, the world, it is transitory in nature. Muslims should respect the world, but also have a certain level of abhorrence for it.

To consider the worlds problems so close to ones heart that it begins to adjust and modify your very identity and faith is a disease of this world. It is simply another way to show a love for this dunya, when we should be concentrating our love of Allah (SWT).

It is a sign of lack of knowledge of the fundamentals and a love for this world if you begin to change your Islam because a certain problem in this world especially bothers you .

Furthermore, every problem is a test sent to this community, and we need to remember that our community has suffered through worse tests than anything that we have seen today.

To end, I include a picture of her that I love the most. It is amazing how she manage to combine perfectly the colors of virgin white, seductive blue and peaceful green. I feel a pang of envy at the person who took the picture, but I am thankful that he took it, because I have the chance to look at Rina at her most beautiful clothing combinations.

Do we need a reason for a name?

Let’s begin. Why rinasurya?

One of you may ask why this blog is named rinasurya. It’s because I like the name Rina. And Surya is my own name.

Rina is a girl that I am in love with. Rina is the girl who replaces another girl, let’s just call her the bringer of victory. Rina will bring me victory.

And why ‘A Completely Spiritual Journey with the Sun’?

Because Rina means a joy that is both complete and spiritual in Hebrew. And I am moving forward in time along with the sun. Maybe it’s the sun that moves time, since without it we would lose our orientation of time as there would be no day or night.

So to Rina, wherever you are, Bandung, Jakarta, New York, Pisa or Geneva, and to the rina journey I am trying to achieve with my mind, body and soul.

From the google entry that inspires me to include rina in the blog name: We named our daughter Rina. In Hebrew, it means a joy that is both complete and spiritual. This fairly idiomatic meaning was explained to me in this way: if you imagine a linear spectrum of good feelings from ‘mere’ joy (“simcha”) to love (“ahava”), then “Rina” is orthogonal to that spectrum, reaching upwards towards God. As an aside, Rina (I am told) also means “Queen” in Hindu.

And Rina is my queen, if she chooses to.